


wanna take this downtown?

by livinct (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Awkward Mark Lee (NCT), Eating Disorders, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) Being an Asshole, Mark Lee (NCT) is Bad at Feelings, Mentioned NCT 127 Ensemble, Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, Pillow Talk, Prayer, Pre-Relationship, Religious Conflict, Romantic Friendship, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, So Wrong It's Right, Songfic, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, mark lee loves him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23373580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/livinct
Summary: markhyuck based off the album Wanna take this Downtown? by Niki.aka, haechan is in love with mark lee. mark lee is bad at feelings, like really really bad.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	1. lowkey

_As long as we keep this lowkey, you ain't even gotta love me._

“Haechan, can you bring this to Mark on your way out? He still hasn’t had breakfast.” Taeyong lays a plate of eggs, toast and strawberries on the space in front of him before Haechan could escape the kitchen any faster.

“I doubt he’s even awake but fine, only because I’m going towards the door anyways.” Haechan quips before leaving the kitchen, grabbing his training bag. “Bye hyungs! I’m going to my schedule with Jaemin!” A chorus of “Bye Haechannie” rings throughout the living room and kitchen. Last time Jaemin had visited the 127 dorms, he had left his jacket, Haechan shoves the jacket into his bag and picks up the plate of food.

He trudges his feet over to Mark’s room, truly doubting he would even be awake at 9:30 am on an off day for him. He doesn’t bother knocking, figuring he will leave the plate on his desk and flick his forehead once letting him know to wake up soon. He doesn’t expect Mark to be sitting up in his bed, holding his phone out and talking to a girl. Not just any girl, an, objectively, _cute_ girl. Haechan doesn’t quite recognize her, but he recognizes Mark’s signature laugh as it dies down at the sight of Haechan standing in his doorway.

“I- Um…” Haechan considers apologizing for intruding, but decides that the faster he gets out the less pain he’ll be in. “Here’s breakfast.” Haechan places the plate directly on top of the nearest shelf so he doesn’t have to move his feet any further towards Mark. The plate balances on top of his glasses, a contact case, a notebook, and several pencils.

“Haechan- ” Mark tries to start to explain, muting his microphone. “We’re just a thing, it- it’s not official.”

“I’m going to a schedule. Bye.” He slams the door harder than he meant to, staring at the closed door for a beat before cringing at the situation. _Since when did Mark have a girlfriend? Since when did he keep secrets from me?_ Haechan knew Mark inside and out, that was the reason they were considered soulmates by their team. Also, it’s not as if Mark didn’t know Haechan liked him more than a friend and as did Mark. _Not anymore I guess._ It was a topic that had been brought up multiple times between them. The conversation always ended in Mark not being ready to commit, or some excuse of the sort. Questions and doubts float around his head throughout the commute to his schedule. _We weren’t exclusive at all._ Haechan tells himself. _You’re not even dating. You can’t be mad at him for looking at other people._

-

“Haechan, you have to move in order to play the game.” Jaemin snarks, they both sit on the floor of the dorm living room with a hefty blanket covering their legs. They’re facing the TV against the wall across from them. Jeno and Renjun are sat on the couch scrolling through their phones and snacking on chips that Haechan has brought on his way to the dream dorms from the 127 dorms. After a schedule with Jaemin earlier in the afternoon, Haechan complained that he wanted to see the dreamies a little more before going back to his dorm. Haechan jumps as he’s brought back from his thoughts. Jaemin pauses the game. “What’s wrong? Are you hungry? We can have dinner now, I’m getting hungry too…” Jaemin puts his controller down and studies Haechan’s face, his eyes are sunken in and eyebrows are knit together, worried. His signature pout begins to form on his lips.

“He probably just found out Mark has a girlfriend.” Renjun comments offhandedly, still sticking his nose into his phone. This causes Jaemin’s eyes to shoot up to Renjun and throw the controller at his legs, his eyes are wide as he shouts at him.

“Shut the hell up, we aren’t supposed to say anything about it!” Jeno stares in disbelief at the two of them, Haechan stays pouting, turning into a sad heap under the blanket on the floor.

“Seriously? Why didn’t he tell me?” Jeno has put down his phone and straightens up, “Why didn’t either of you tell me either? Are you kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, but Mark hyung told us not to tell you since you would tell Haechan.” Jaemin holds onto Jeno’s hands in apology, giving his best attempt at puppy eyes with his pink hair bouncing at the speed Jaemin crawls over to Jeno.

“Of course I would! He’s been leading Haechan on since we were teenagers and then he gets a girlfriend?” He’s not shouting by any means, but the anger in his voice is obvious. Jeno rarely gets upset, the taurus in him keeps him stable in most situations. Jeno turns to the pouting mess on the floor, who has curled into a ball and is staring at the blank tv screen. “I’m going over to their dorm right now, he can’t just do this to you, Haechan!”

“Yes he can, Jeno. We weren’t exclusive and they’re not official, he said they’re just a thing.” Haechan mumbles, not taking his eyes off the tv in fear of the tears welling up in his eyes falling. “I’m just being dramatic.”

“Oh, honey…” Jaemin coos, seeing Haechan’s eyes cover in shine and his nose redden. He and Jeno crawl over to him on the floor and cover the hefty blanket over the three of them, blocking out the light. Jeno lays next to Haechan, carding his hands through his brown and rainbow streaked hair. Jaemin sits on his knees, looking at the two of them and pouts.

“It will be okay Donghyuckie…” Jeno mutters. Haechan covers his eyes and nose with his hands at the sound of his birth name. Mark is the only person besides his mother who calls him Donghyuck.

“I walked in on them facetiming. He seemed really happy.” He mumbles through a few tears. Haechan feels better in the dark, covered in the blanket and cuddles from his best friends.

“Haechan, you’re better than him. You deserve so much more.” Jaemin pulls Haechan’s hands away from his face, making eye contact with him.

“I know, I still feel like shit though.” Haechan sniffles, wiping his tears away and sits up. The three of them sit in a small circle, the blanket still covering them from the outside world.

“Let’s drink tonight! We’re old enough now, we can have some fun before we send you back to that dorm tonight.” Jeno suggests. Haechan nods, and they notice Renjun has stuck his head under the blankets, facing the three who are still sitting in a circle.

“Yay! Sicheng ge just dropped off some whiskey last week!” Jaemin stares soullessly at Renjun, and then nods his head towards Haechan, telling him to take a hint. “Also, I’m sorry Haechan. You deserve better than a stupid asshole like Mark hyung, you’re way too good for him. Also his ears are too big anyways.” He smiles at Renjun’s genuine compliment, and they all laugh at the last comment. Renjun picks up the blanket, exposing them to the light. Jaemin and Renjun stand to prepare some drinks and snacks, while Jeno tugs Haechan to sit on the couch and puts on reruns of whatever JBTC is playing on their channel.

After a few drinks, and a fun game of truth or dare ending in Jaemin being dared to lick the floor and him refusing, Haechan is truly drunk. Haechan doesn’t drink often, never enough for him to act this childish, leaving Jaemin and Renjun speechless at how difficult it is to make him get in the car to go home.

“Jenooo~” Haechan goofily sings to the older, holding onto the bowl of guac in one hand and a chip in the other. “Open up~” He feeds the blushing boy, sitting on the kitchen counter. Haechan grabs another chip from the bag on the counter and moves over to Renjun. “Do you want one Renjun? I’m gonna take these back to 127 if you don’t like it~” Jaemin pulls Haechan’s arms through his jacket, and collects his training bag before putting it over his own back.

“I think I’ll walk him down to the car, that might be the only way he’ll make it.” Jaemin comments, staring at the tipsy boy. Haechan stumbles a little and sets down the guacamole before sitting on the kitchen floor.

“No. I wan’ to stay here. Haechannie’s best friends are here. No one there likes Haechan.” Haechan complains loudly with his arms folded.

“Haechan, you don’t even have a bed here, don’t you want to sleep on your comfortable bed, and have whatever Doyoung hyung made for dinner?” Jaemin figures even though it is 12am, Doyoung always makes enough for leftovers, and he would’ve separated enough for Haechan for when he returned. Haechan is silent for a while before he reluctantly stands, and slips his feet into the shoes Jaemin had brought to him from the front door.

-

He stumbles through the front door, letting out a deep breath after having to climb so many flights of stairs. He gasps at the darkness, realizing that many of his members have already fallen asleep and he closes the door silently. His hair is unruly, pointing in every direction and his windbreaker had fallen off one shoulder at some point on the climb up the treacherous stairs. He manages to pull his sneakers off, but the pair don’t make it to the shoe rack. The training backpack that Jaemin had packed with so much care is thrown onto the couch that Taeyong constantly nags at him for. He sees himself in the reflection of the TV and pulls his hand through his hair, trying to make himself slightly presentable to Johnny for when he enters the room. Noticing his thirst, he goes over to the kitchen to pour a cup of water for himself. Holding onto the cup, he turns and is quickly faced with a wall… No, not a wall, but a chest. The chest was red, perhaps covered in a red t-shirt. Haechan recognizes the body after he rubs his eyes the second time.

“You’re drunk.” Mark comments, still holding onto Haechan’s waist from when he turned around. Their bodies are close and Haechan feels heat beginning to form in the space between them. Haechan’s eyes adjust to looking up to Mark. In reality, they are the same height, Haechan might even be taller, but his slouching habit makes him a few inches shorter than Mark. Now, with Haechan against the kitchen counter, slouched over, knees bent, and struggling to meet eyes with Mark, he might have shrunk even 5 inches shorter than Mark.

“Yes. And?” The alcohol might’ve made him childish, but even Haechan as a child had an attitude that got him in trouble. “It’s not like you should take care of me, we’re not a ‘thing’ anymore.” He puts mocking quotations around “thing”. The sight of the older has sobered up Haechan enough to the point where he remembers what has happened between the two. “Even though I still like you. A lot.” He’s definitely not sober enough to hold his tongue though. Guilt passes over Mark’s eyes quickly, and then is replaced by worry.

“I- I’m sorry. I should’ve told you first.” Mark lets go of his body, Haechan rolls his eyes and takes a sip of the water.

“You were going to break my heart either way.” Haechan lets his eyes water at the sight of the boy who could’ve been his if he was only a little braver.

Mark stares back at Haechan, his eyes are wet and his cheeks and nose are stained pink. He notices the blue streak that has gone astray on the top of his head, and pulls it down gently. Mark lets go of the strand, but keeps his hand moving down Haechan’s face and ends cupping Haechan’s cheek softly. They’ve never kissed. They’ve been close many, many times, but Mark has always pulled away. Haechan takes note of the slight glow of the streetlights that has poured onto their faces through the kitchen window.

Mark watches blankly as Haechan’s eyes flutter closed and he nuzzles slightly into his hand. He lets his thumb drag across his warm cheek, and leans in. When Haechan’s lips meet Mark’s, his body is warm and begins tingling. He sees fireworks in his mind and his lips burn when they pull apart. Haechan lets out a quiet whine at the lack of contact. Hastily, he latches his arms around Mark’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss. Mark rests his hands on Haechan’s waist and pushes against him more, fueling the heat between the two. Mark pulls away, resting their foreheads together and leaving Haechan breathless.

“W- We can do this lowkey.” Haechan stutters through his sentence, and the alcohol on his breath starts to disappear as he sobers up. “Y- You don’t even have to love me.” Haechan lets out a scoff at how desperate he sounds. “Please- Just give me a chance.” Mark pulls away in an instant, realizing the mess he’s made. He lets go of Haechan’s waist, freezing the heat between them.

“I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have done this. I can’t. I want to, b-but I really can’t.” He turns, leaving Haechan in the kitchen. Haechan feels his body tingle in all the places Mark has touched him. His lips, his waist, his forehead, his fingertips and his cheek burn (either in anger or embarrassment, he can’t tell yet). He shakes his head in disbelief of what just happened, looking down to the tiles where Mark had been standing a second earlier.

He downs the forgotten glass of water and makes his way to his and Johnny’s shared room. As he opens the door, the familiar dimly lit room brings him the comfort he needed and the welled up tears spill down his burning cheeks. Johnny has passed out on his bed, and as guilty Haechan feels for disturbing him, the only thing he wants right now is a bear hug from his mother, and the next best person is Johnny. He wipes his tears away with the sleeve of the windbreaker that still has fallen off one shoulder, but it’s useless as more and more heavy tears spill out. He crawls over Johnny’s body and sits at the edge of the bed. Johnny stirs, and recognizes the sobs that fill up the room. He pulls the blankets above Haechan and the younger curls up on his lap, straddled over his waist and clutching tightly onto the shirt on his chest.

“Haechannie, it will be okay.” He pats and rubs his back with one hand and reaches to see the time on his phone. _2:23am._ They have a schedule at 8 tomorrow morning, and he decides it might be better if Johnny doesn’t ask right now. “It’s going to be fine, baby.” He pats his head as Haechan lets out another loud sob into his chest. Johnny continues to whisper sweet nothings into the somber air of their room. Eventually, Haechan’s tears settle into sniffles, letting Johnny’s calming voice soothe him to sleep.

Haechan is embarrassed at how desperate he is for Mark to give him a chance, so much so that he would let Mark use him even if he didn’t love Haechan back. But, if he could have one chance at all, he would take it.


	2. urs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tryna find where your head is  
> but I'm losing myself in the process  
> you're bad for my health  
> all the good nights  
> are they hidden goodbyes in disguise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long for this update, i'm going through a break up :-) so mayhaps i might be projecting some of my issues on here

_3:28 am_

_from: big forehead hyung_

_Come to my room rn_

_3:28 am_

_to: big forehead hyung_

_okay but only cuz i’m already on your floor anyways :/_

He pushed open the door slightly, the hallway had been pitch black but Mark’s room oozed bright lights and made Haechan flinch. He quickly reached out to the wall to flip his lights off.

“It’s like 3 am, why are your lights on?” Haechan closes the door, and the illumination of his digital clock is all that he can use to make out Mark’s silhouette sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the wall. Haechan strides over, realizing Mark was strumming on his guitar before Haechan opened his door. He takes a seat on the bed but turns so he can face Mark’s back. 

“Is it really? I lost track of time I guess…” Mark doesn’t put the guitar away, or turn to face Haechan. He keeps strumming an unfamiliar tune. A silence falls over them. It’s been five days since that kiss, that sparkling kiss. Five full days since Haechan was enveloped in the warmth of a sweet and loving Mark Lee. 

They’ve fought and argued before, Haechan has had his fair share of silent treatments from Mark, and he’s given them back twice as long. Mark is always the one to apologize first, Johnny told Haechan that without him to hold Mark down, Mark turns into a chicken running around without a head. Haechan thinks if he is Mark’s head, Mark must be Haechan’s heart. Without Mark, he stops everything. He can’t go after him, because he can’t move or breathe. Mark is his everything, when his heart is taken away, there’s nothing to do other than wish for it to come back. Yet, after every fight, Mark fits perfectly into Haechan’s heart, no damage done. As if he never even left. But last week, Mark bursted open the seams of his heart, he expanded them to places they’ve never gone, and so when he came back, parts of Haechan’s heart were empty.

Haechan decides to lay down and curl up under Mark’s blankets, still facing his back in hopes Mark will say something first, as he always had done in the past.

“Um,” Mark starts, still strumming on the guitar nervously. “I’m sorry.” The strumming stops. Haechan watches his shoulders deflate a little. “I shouldn’t have done that. You were drunk.”

“I wasn’t really though.” Haechan mumbles. Sure, he had been drunk earlier in the night, but that smack in the face sobered him up very well. 

“I like you, I do.” Mark admits, and his head hangs low. Haechan waits for the one condition. “I just can’t. I’m trying, but I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.” _Oh. It’s like that_. Haechan’s eyes widen the tiniest bit. He knew Mark grew up religious, he wore a cross around his neck and thanked God whenever he had the chance. Haechan is shocked, the reason they didn’t work out wasn’t him, but it was Mark? If it was Mark’s dumb fault, why do both of them feel like shit right now? 

“Oh.” Is the only response Haechan can muster up, his voice is shaky, afraid of letting the unshed tears come to the front. 

“But I’m willing to try harder, with your help.” Mark finally puts down that stupid guitar that Haechan was beginning to hate the sound of. “Um- the girl, she’s an old friend, I thought we were going to be a thing, but I realized that I never really liked her in that way.” Mark is sitting criss crossed, and faces Haechan who is laying on the pillow staring up at him. 

“Oh?” Haechan’s eyebrows knit together, wondering where the conversation is going.

“I realized that I liked you more than I liked her. And I don’t know what that means, but I’m willing to let you… try? I guess.” They make eye contact for a quick second, Haechan’s eyes sparkle slightly, Mark is filling up the empty spaces in Haechan’s heart once again. “I- I mean only if you want to?”

“Yes. I would like that.” He tries to stifle his smile, failing, but the darkness off the room hides the few tears that escape his eyes. It’s all he ever wanted, a chance with Mark. Just the possibility for him to burn Mark’s skin the way Mark burns his. That night, Haechan clings onto Mark’s shoulders as they drift to sleep. Haechan pulls him close, careful as to not to let him slip between the cracks. Mark timidly holds onto his hand, mind rushing a mile a minute. 

-

His eyes begin to drift around the practice room in the mirror, landing on Mark. Thoughts of last night come back to his head in bits and pieces. Mark looks really good, he realizes. The hat pulled back his unruly hair, and the glasses frame his peachy warm-white skin. Did he gain muscle recently? Somehow the old shirt he’s worn for years fits a little tighter than Haechan remembers. Mark notices him through the mirror, staring at each other for one beat and smiles quickly, before Taeyong’s voice breaks the moment.

“Haechan, did you catch up with the choreo you missed last week because of your schedule with Jaemin?” He walks over to the music, switching it on and speeds through the song to the part they were working on. 

“Yeah, Mark hyung taught me before we got here.” Lie. They made out in Mark’s bed for fifteen minutes before either of them realized they had practice today. Mark hastily showed him the choreo twice in the car on the way to the studio and Haechan practiced it only once before opening the studio doors and meeting the rest of the boys. Mark’s ears turned red at the mention of him, causing Johnny and Doyoung to miss a beat in their conversation, recognizing embarrassment when they saw it. They stay silent though, exchanging glaces cautiously. Johnny continues to throw looks at Haechan in the miror throughout the dance.

Practice continues as normal, and Haechan finds his feet taking him to Mark when they’re done. He’s wrapped around Mark’s arm as Mark is talking to Jungwoo. He lets Mark ignore him, at least letting him hug Mark is a step up from Mark pushing him away. 

“Haechanie can I talk to you?” Taeyong calls him over where he stood with Johnny. “Outside.” Mark looks down at Haechan, surprised that Johnny as well as Taeyong needed to talk to him. Haechan reluctantly lets go of his arm, trudging over to Taeyong, and he leads the three of them to the hallway.

“Haechan, we love you very much, I hope you know that.” Taeyong assures him. His ears pop up at this statement, what did he do wrong? He was under the assumption Taeyong was going to scold him for not knowing the choreo very well and lying about it earlier. 

“Why the hell do you have a hickey?” Johnny bursts, pointing to Haechan’s collarbone where his loose fitted shirt has dipped a bit too low. 

“Johnny!” Taeyong scolds him but Johnny’s eyes stay on Haechan, he’s not fuming, but he definitely is not pleasant either. 

“I- sorry.” Mortified, he pulls the shirt up and his entire face burns red. He didn’t even realize when Mark had done that, and he reminds himself to slap him before he leaves the studio today.

“Was it Mark?” Johnny bluntly asks and Taeyong cringes at the idea of his children being intimate.

“Jesus- Johnny, chill out.” Taeyong is clearly panicking at the risk of dealing with an angry Johnny. “Haechan, don’t answer that, I don’t even want to know. We’re just telling you that like- Well-” Taeyong stumbles over his words, turning slightly red himself. “Just- be safe, okay? There’s a box of condoms in manager hyung’s room that anyone can take.” Haechan cringes, his entire face scrunches up and he’s never wanted to die more than in this exact moment. Johnny’s presence, staring at Haechan’s chest where the hickey is hidden under his shirt, makes it even worse. “Don’t knock anyone up, please.” 

“Please tell me this conversation is over.” Haechan groans.

“Listen, this isn’t easy for me either, you’re one of my last babies and I need to know you’re going to be safe.” Taeyong crosses his arms.

“I’m not even-” God, how does he even say this? Maybe he just shouldn’t say anything at all. “I- I’ll get some on the way home if that makes you feel better…” Haechan mumbles, retreating behind his palms at the embarrassment. “Please let me go back now.”

“Actually, Johnny told me he wanted to talk to you, but I’m done. Just don’t be stupid, Duckie.” Taeyong ruffles his hair and opens the studio door again to disappear. Johnny continues to stare at Haechan, but his gaze has shifted to look Haechan in the eyes now. He’s calmed down since a minute ago but Haechan sees the worry in his face.

“Please tell me whatever you’re about to say is going to be less painful than that.” He begs, rolling his eyes slightly. 

“Was it Mark?” Johnny repeats from earlier, Haechan stiffens, confirming the answer to Johnny. “Haechanie, you cried for like three days in a row over him last week… Is this a good idea?” _No. Definitely not._

 _“_ We’re just trying it out.” Haechan retorts, knowing that it’s impossible to lie to Johnny, someone who knows him better than he knows himself.

“Maybe he’s trying it out, but for you, it’s different, isn’t it?” Johnny’s staring at his eyes intently, he’s right. Johnny knew how people worked, even though Mark was his blood brother, if something was going to hurt Haechan, he would defend him to the death. “To him it’s fun. For you, it’s too late.” Johnny knew how Haechan and Mark thought, he knew everything there was to know. Why couldn’t Haechan fall in love with someone who knew how to deal with feelings like Johnny did? Instead, he got Mark Lee, who left him second guessing every gaze.

“You’re right hyung, it’s too late. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to leave him alone.” Haechan looks to the ground. Since when did he get this head over heels for Mark? “I need to see it through until I get hurt. If I let him go now, I would drive myself crazy thinking of what could be. He’s giving me a chance, and that’s all I’ve asked for since I can remember.” 

“Duckie, I can’t let you walk into the flames like this.” Johnny tucks Haechan’s hair behind his ear, pulling him into a hug. 

“You don’t know if you’re fireproof unless you set yourself on fire.” Haechan grumbles into Johnny’s shoulder. He hugs Johnny back, feeling the familiar comfort and warmth that he brings.

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said.” Johnny laughs, letting the quiet settle for a moment before he speaks again. “I understand that you need this for your own sanity though. I’m here if you get burnt, okay?” Johnny runs his hands through Haechan’s hair and gives him a kiss on the top of his head. 

“Okay.” He mumbles again as Johnny pulls away. “Are we done now?”

“Yes, you can go back to the dorms and sleep.” Johnny laughs and they return to the studio. "But seriously, use protection" Johnny winks at Haechan, turning him beet red before he walks away, leaving Haechan alone with Mark. He notices that somehow, Taeyong and everyone else have dissipated. He walks over to the bench, and Mark stands up.

"All the hyungs left to see Mr. Kim's kid, they told me to wait here for you." Mark stands at the edge of the bench against the wall. "I feel like I've seen that baby enough... I want to hang out with this baby instead." Mark quickly grasps Haechan's hand, and pulls him in for a deep kiss, Haechan's stomach fluttering at the pet name. If Haechan makes it through this alive, he's going to slap Mark so fucking hard.

\- 

Haechan is giddy. He hates it. Waiting in Mark’s room for him to come home shouldn’t be an exciting pastime for him, they’re nothing official and he’s made it clear. He didn’t know if Mark would tell him to go, tell him to get help and leave him alone forever, or if he would pull him close, lips locked, forgetting the world around him that told him not to. Haechan would do either if he asked for it.

Today, the first day, Mark comes home too late to make a decision, as Haechan has already passed out in his bed, curled under the covers with his eyebrows sticking out, revealing his honey skin. Mark changes into comfortable clothes, switching the lights off and lifts the blankets carefully so as to not wake Haechan. He does, but he pretends to stay sleeping, not having the energy to say anything to him anyways. Mark closes his eyes, letting an arm snake around his waist and pushes his chest to Haechan’s back.

"I want to make this work. Lord, please" Mark whispers to himself, as he drops a soft kiss to Haechan's ear. Haechan can't stop smiling, and once again, he's thankful the room is too dark to see his face.

-

Haechan rolls up a decent amount of pasta onto his fork and offers it up at Mark. He shoves it away and continues his conversation. Haechan pouts and nudges his shoulder again, and offers the fork to his mouth once more. He just wants to make sure Mark is healthy and keeps eating. Mark rolls his eyes at the touch of Haechan, shoving him off a little harder and side eyes him and a teen girl who was watching him from across the restaurant. She’s been staring at Mark since they walked in, and he’s been looking back.

"Cut it out." Mark quips. Haechan’s not dumb, he watches Mark make shy glaces towards the girl, who blushes back. Haechan sighs, putting down the fork, maybe he can try again tomorrow, when the girl is not there. He doesn't feel like eating anymore. Recently, he’s developed this habit. On days Haechan knows Mark will come to him at night, he can’t eat. He tries, but it just comes back up before he can enter Mark’s room. He can’t bring himself to kiss Mark on a full stomach, he feels guilt for the suffering Mark is going through just to be with him, and it comforts him. He sees it as leveling the playing field. To see the one person he loves the most in pain when he touches him, Haechan can’t just touch him back without suffering a little too. 

-

"Baby, are you feeling okay?" Mark gently lifts Haechan's chin up to look him in the eyes. Haechan's stomach does a million little backflips at the sound of that petname while he was slothed over Mark's body at 2 am. 

"I'm fine, why?" He pouts, resting his chin on Mark's chest, looking up at him. 

"You just seem, a little out of it? I can't put my finger on it." Mark combs his hands through Haechan's bangs, pushing them aside the way Johnny did so many weeks ago. His warning rings on Haechan's brain. _To him, it's fun. For you, it's too late._

"I'm just tired." He lies, breaking eye contact with Mark and snuggling closer to his body. He might not let Haechan do this for a while, so he takes what he can.

"Are you getting sick? You seem..." Mark drifts off, holding onto Haechan's forearm. "Thinner." 

"I'm just tired." Haechan repeats. He really can't waste the precious time Mark is giving him on trivial things like his eating habits, he just wants to enjoy right now, for him. On days when Mark has been distant and angry, that's the night he will hold Haechan the tightest. Haechan will sit on his lap, curled into Mark’s neck and Mark will mumble apologies and prayers into Haechan’s hair. His hands will find Haechan’s cheeks, holding him gently. He would plant a grossly over exaggerated smooch on Haechan’s lips, making him giggle. Today, Mark only mutters prayers beneath his chin, and a soft peck lands on Haechan's cheek before he's drifted to sleep.

"I need you to take care of yourself on the days that I can't." Mark mumbles to himself in English. "I'm going through hell to do this, I'm sorry that I'm putting you through it too."

Haechan doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost in the dark, the room is covered floor to ceiling in fog and smoke and he’s got a blindfold on. All he knows is that sometimes, warm hands clutch his hips and give him a sweet embrace, only to disappear the next day. Haechan wanders around the room blankly, bumping into walls and windows. Sometimes the hands are connected to a body, a body that pulls him close and caresses his cheek, sometimes the hands shove him to the ground, laughing it off as Haechan lets a tear slip in the silence and darkness, alone. The thing is, Haechan’s arms aren’t bound. He could take off the blindfold, and open a window to let out the smoke. He could tell Mark right now, call off the whole charade and say enough is enough. But he doesn’t. Those few tender and heated kisses were worth being pushed to the ground once or twice. If he could just have a few seconds in Mark’s arms, it would be worth any hell he drags him through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk if you think markhyuck will last ;)))

**Author's Note:**

> as always, leave a kudos if you enjoyed! I really love getting comments so if you have literally anything to say, say it! i would love to hear it haha.


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